| So tragic, some think it's creepy, but I wrote it, so haha! it's my feelings, so here they are |
| So tragic, some think it's creepy, but I wrote it, so haha! it's my feelings, so here they are |
PainI used to think that the worst pain you could feel was deep inside you emotionaly I was only partly right.Pain
Now I lay here screaming in pain holding my stomach begging for help
I can feel my insides bleeding and I know that I am dying but i always thought that my depression would take me
who knew that physicly pain could be so terrible? cutters use it to distract them from pain that is worse yet right now I'd rather be wanting to kill myself then screaming in pain because of my body dying.
Help meNo one had ever bothered looking at me I don't blame them, with all the girls around who'd want me? But then I met you and you looked into my eyes and I realized maybe I was worth a look from the guys.Help me
Now, not long later, they're everywhere I go flirting and talking and not listening when I say no some are really charming but I can't fall for their tricks so please come back and save me from these dicks.
Help me, save me, come back and get me if you love me you'll hear me and come to stay with me just help me. Please help me. &
Love at First Sight, part 5After TRA was over, afternoon workshops began. I had brought a white T-shirt for tie dying, but Reid, Sarah, and nearly my entire touch group were going outside to play kissy face. I had watched people play that game many times, but never played myself. Three people played at a time, on sitting, one defending and one attacking. The one sitting just sat still, while the attacker ran at them and tried to kiss them on the cheek. The catch? The defender tried to stop that, and to do that they had to kiss the attacker on the face. I'm not a very big person, so I've been afraid to try it myself. But I was tempted now to play, and I didn't want to lLove at First Sight, part 5
Running awayI headed to the infirmary to check on Selona. She had been healing up since the accident for a week now, but for some reason she stayed depressed. Until last night, that is, when I found her trying to run away.Running away
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Selona, what are you doing?" I had said, reaching out and stopping her. She looked back at me with tear filled eyes.
"I'm sorry Kari, I can't stay here anymore, not when my mother is this way. I can never tell if she's mad at me or not.... At least I'll know for sure how she'll feel if I run away."
She began to sob. I pulled her into my arms and rocked her back
Rily's LullabyMother of the Night, sing me a song. Father of Time, freeze me the Moon. We'll all hold hands, we'll all get along, Because I know, once again, thou wilt be with me soon.Rily's Lullaby
Let the diamond flowers bloom, Let the black snow fall. If no light be shed, if only danger doth loom, Believe me, i'faith, I shall wait through it all.
I grant thee an angel To watch thee and care for thee. And if ever again one doth our friendship mangle, Thine angel shall watch thee, thine angel and me.
Peekaboo2
| I love writing! I love DeviantART! |
Sick as a PIg
Grouchy
I think there's room for improvement, like always.
For instance, it could have flowed a little better, maybe connecting the paragraphs a little more. Each part was connected, but it still seemed a little choppy to me. Also, I don't know if it was just me, but at the end when you talk about the scent of nature, I had no idea what scent you were talking about. I did get it at one point, but I was just a little confused.
I love your intro and closing, especially the ending line, "It smells too good to be true."
Some other random things I liked:
-the way you talk about teenagers and describe where your coming from
-the way you talk about your girlfriend. very sweet.
-the way you chose to tackle scents to talk about. Not many people will do that, it's original and it makes people remember that paper and what they thought of it. That's always good.
so from me, you pass~ sadly, I'm just a teenager too, so....
--
"Dance like no one's watching,
love like you'll never be hurt,
sing like no one's listening,
live like it's heaven on earth...."William Purky.
thanks fellow teenager,
p.s. i got less than a year in this. i'm nineteen!
hehe, okay you little nineteen year old, you don't have to be so defensive, I was just commenting.
and you do know that I am younger then you,don't you?
--
"Dance like no one's watching,
love like you'll never be hurt,
sing like no one's listening,
live like it's heaven on earth...."William Purky.
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